Who knew so much fodder could come from being on a pair of crutches. In continuation with my previous post, here goes the list of what I've learned since being on crutches:
11. "Gimp," "Crip," "Invalid," and the like are not names those of us on crutches find endearing. In case you're unsure, stay on the safe side by refraining from anything other than, perhaps, "Hey, Girl! Look at you rockin' the crutches!"
12. Rain + Crutches = A Recipe for Disaster. Or another trip to the doctor. There should be a warning label that comes on the crutches that states, "slippery when wet." Scratch that. "When wet, prepare for a fall" would be more apropos!
13. I don't know why, but I'm continually surprised when people say the stupidest things. Here's one such example. After witnessing me nearly wipe out from a rain + crutch incident, someone actually looked at me and remarked, "Do you really need those?" Seriously, lady?! Do these look like props? It took all my restraint not to find a new use for one of my crutches right then and there in the lobby of my children's school!
14. Travelling up and down my stairs at my new with-crutches pace has made me realize just how badly the carpet needs a cleaning! Great. Another thing to add to my growing list of post-crutches chores!
15. Strangers and casual aquaintances still hold doors and carry items more than my own beloved family. Hmmm.
16. When you're feeling a little down, it's always good to remember somewhere out there is probably someone worse off than you. Take the female from #13. I'll be off my crutches shortly, but she'll still be an ignoramous!
17. My doctor told me I could get off crutches the day I leave for vacation, but then suggested crutches or a cane would push me ahead in airport security lines. If a fractured hip was the universe's way of telling me to slow down the last six weeks, I'll gladly wait my turn with all the other able-bodied folks, thank you very much!
18. Imagine my dismay when I learned, in addition to a few of my heels, I'd have to set aside my favorite pairs of jeans until I can lose the crutches. Who'd a thunk knuckles could be so easily bloodied from rhinestones, rivets, and bling!
19. One trip to the mall with only ONE stop is equivalent to taking 30 laps around my house. Just when I thought I couldn't detest shopping any more...!
20. I finally met my match at my grandmother's 90th birthday party when I walked in beside a lady with a walker. Now THAT would have been a fun race!
See you soon...on two feet!
A city girl at heart, who wonders how she ended up right back where it all began....
